One year ago today….

August 3, 2009!

I can’t believe one year ago today I got a phone call from the hospice center saying Mom was gone. I called Dad and we met there, with my wonderful young cousin Wendy who had spent the night with her, and we said goodbye.

I can’t believe that when something good happens to me I can no longer pick up the phone and tell her the good news.

I can’t believe that when I’m confused, or have something bad happen, I can’t ask for her advice or guidance in trying to fix the problem or make the situation seem clear.

I can’t believe Kris and I lost such an incredible Mom, Dad lost his wife and partner of almost 45 years, my Grandma lost a daughter, her brothers and sisters lost a sibling, Kaye lost a best friend, Magaly lost her American matriarch and many others lost a colleague and friend.

I can’t believe cancer is such a horrible, destructive disease and that there are cures for baldness and impotence, but not for this ridiculous killer!

I can’t focus on all of the negative. While there are so many things I could say today, just like on other days about Mom and how much losing her has been horrible, today I will reflect on the love and happiness that Mom brought to me and so many around her while she was healthy and living the life she wanted.

Her eyes would light up when we talked about Treasure Lake, Chuck and Jean, Kris and Magaly be married and our visits to Panama,  Dad enjoying his retirement, me finding a group of people I cared about in Michigan through Relay, spring breaks on Sanibel island, her great friends at CSU and in the nursing commuity and much more. She even grew to love my dog Riley (and he loved her) even after she initially poo-pooed his adoption. 

So many positive and beautiful things happened because Mom was in my life – and in many of your lives too. 

I remember her today and every day as the strong woman she was, and while it is hard to see that in my mind after seeing her sick for nearly two years, I think back to the days after her death when I was writing the eulogy and what I thought about then. How do you put into words a loss of a 65 year old woman as dynamic as Mom?

I focused on the core of who she was, what she did and how she always had time to listen to everyone and help as many people as she could, being selfless with her time, because she wanted to help people and give them the skills they needed to succeed.

Today I focus on her love for family, friends, work and the Cleveland community, and hope that I can even begin to accomplish her feats of greatness in my lifetime.

Love you Mom! We miss you so very much. Hope hope you’re enjoying the view from above!

 

Sharing Great News!

For all of you who are in the medical world — especially the field of nursing — I have some exciting news to share.

I’ve emerged from the world of layoffs and unemployment to become the new Manager of Marketing and Communications for the Visiting Nurse Association (VNA) of Ohio! I’m staying in Cleveland and working in health care – How cool is that?

I started on Monday and am still learning my way around here, but wanted you all to know that I think Mom must have had a hand in this, because now I have all sorts of nurses around me at all times. She is making sure people watch out for me, or maybe she’s just orchestrated another nurse to keep me in line if she can’t physically be here.

It makes me happy when someone brings up Mom’s name and it also makes me feel close to her, while so much of the time I miss her desperately.

On my second interview, our CEO Claire told me how much she admired  Mom and what a loss it was to everyone personally and professionally in the Cleveland nursing community when we lost her. It was nice to hear such things even before I was hired. The funny part was that Claire was the first person I met who knew Mom, as much of the organization has changed and is new to the industry even, but slowly I run into people who have known her. It is a comfort every time I see the CSU Faculty office on site that she had a history here, while at the same time incredibly sad that I don’t get to share ideas, stories and more with her as we probably would have worked together on a cross marketing project.

Speaking of which (WARNING: SHAMELESS PUBLICITY PLOY) one of my first projects will be promoting with CSU (Cleveland State University) a play called “The Shadow Box” on July 25th at 8:00pm, where half of all ticket sales will go to the VNA. YEAH!!! The play involves a hospice situation and is the only performance that has money going towards VNA, so when you call the ticket office at 216.687.2109, make sure to ask for this date and performance and mention the VNA and both organizations will make some nice money! Of course I’ll be there and you should too. Plus, how cool would it be if on my first project I created a sell out crowd??!!

However, back to my story…

I’m now back in the working world and am excited to help publicize all the great services provided by the Visiting Nurse Association (VNA) of Ohio. Please stay in touch and let me know if I can every collaborate with all of you wonderful folks who knew and/or worked with Mom for all those years in Cleveland.

August 3rd will be one year since Mom slipped away from us after her valient 20-month fight with cancer.  Say a little prayer that day for me, Dad, Kris and Magaly and the rest of our family — and of course Mom, if you would. I know she is watching over me and am aware of her love for me and all of her friends and family even when she’s not physically here. However, that doesn’t stop me from still dealing with the intense grief that came from losing a vibrant and strong woman who was much too young — and questioning why she was taken away from us. Luckily with the support of my friends and family — and all of you I’ve only met through Mom’s illness and passing — I’m remaining optimistic and open to the understanding that time will bring me.

 

A New Blog… Please subscribe!

As most of you now know, I have had an interesting few years.

A move to Cleveland to be with Mom, losing her while gaining new friends and colleagues at work. Loving being close to Dad and family after so many years away. Coping and moving forward together.

January 15th I lost my job.

So, according to all the therapists in the world, I’ve experienced all of the most stressful events that people are expected to handle in their lifetime, but since I’m an overachiever, I’ve done it all in the span of a year: loss of a love one, a household move, and loss of a job.

So, why am I surviving and currently living in Caldera, Panama?

Subscribe to my new blog and see what leads to my optimism, hope and love of life, even when I’ve been tossed into such negative situations…..

http://livingthroughlayoffs.wordpress.com

Take care – and if you are in the snow – stay warm!

 

Coming soon, adventures of an unemployed PR girl!

Since I’ve recently joined the ranks of the unemployed, thanks to a layoff in my company, I will take some time to figure out what to do next – and share what I learn!

 

Mom’s Memorial Service at CSU

Last Thursday, many of my Mom’s family had the chance to join Dad & I at Cleveland State for a beautiful service they presented in memory of Mom and her many professional and personal accomplishments.

While I was nervous about what I was going to say, I was happy to find that I was one of many speakers, including some of Mom’s closest friends and colleagues and we were surrounded by wonderful people wanting to celebrate my Mom.

Sheila had lovely stories to tell about my Mom’s fascination with collecting figurines of old people and sharing them with her, Dorothy shared her gratitude for Mom and her adherence to the Florence Nightingale creed of nurses, Jane shared her love of traveling with Mom, shopping together and sharing stories about the two Davids (her husband and my Dad). It was also great to hear Dad ask some funny questions of the gathered group of nurses and to also tell the story of meeting Mom and marrying her in just a few short weeks, and finding out when acquiring the marriage license that they were both Scorpios, which later meant that the way to work together was to make all decisions as a team, otherwise their two strong personalities could never work in tandem. Lisa read a beautiful psalm she felt related to Mom and the description of the Mom’s voice of reason but always being a Wild Card at a meeting. All the other speakers brought out something special that kindly and sweetly memorialized Dr. Cheryl, a nurse of 45 years and a friend to many in the room for 20 plus years!

I chose to go another route, because of course, Dr. Cheryl to me is Mom. While I can’t even begin to say how much I miss her, I thought I would discuss the revitalized Cleveland and how I thought Mom might appreciate the work being done downtown.

You can see the letter in my Letters to Mom section of the Web site posted Monday. This is what I said to introduce the letter. As always, Dad and I (and my brother Kris and the rest of our family) thank everyone for their support and especially Vida in hosting the memorial service. We appreciate all of your beautiful words, sentiments, stories and love for our family.

Memorial Service: 10/23/08 3:00 p.m.

 

It was just a year ago I was here in this very place telling you tales with Mom sitting at the table beside me, celebrating her retirement.

 

As you’ve heard tonight and know from your experiences with her, Mom loved CSU and really had no desire to retire – and she certainly wasn’t ready to stop living her life.

 

But some choices are beyond our control and I always believe that there is a silver lining within even the worst horrible gray cloud. That has to be my chance to meet all of you, all of her wonderful friends and colleagues and to meet all the people who helped our family and surrounded us with love when Mom’s days were numbered.

 

While I think I was mostly in a daze the week after we lost Mom, I do remember several things that people told me about her during visitation and services at our church. The two that I share today stuck with me the most. First I was told: Your Mom always had time to help, no matter how small or large the problem. I knew I could count on her to be there. Second, someone told me thank you for sharing your Mom with us. I was so stuck by this. She loved this place! I should thank you all you for sharing her with us!

 

My Mom gave and gave and over the last two years even when she became increasingly ill and I hope I was able to give back just a fraction of what she gave to me, to you and to our family and friends away from CSU. I hope I will be able to take her caring and kind legacy in my life.

 

Since May, I’ve written a blog to keep people informed about Mom. As a journalist and public relations professional, this gave me the chance to inform and hopefully entertain along the way. Humor kept me going thru the hard times and I hope it will keep me going for the rest of my life.

 

Since I no longer can call her and tell her all the things going on, I’ve started a new segment called Letters to Mom – look for it in book stores someday about dealing with grief!

 

I want to share a new letter that I’m writing to Mom that I think will have special meaning to all of you gathered here to day as we’ve seen the changes in Cleveland over the last few months.

 

Mom, You won’t believe it: RTA’s HealthLine is RUNNING!

Note: I shared this letter with everyone at Mom’s Memorial Service at CSU on Thursday, October 23, 2008

 Dear Mom,

 It’s a miracle! I know you are not going to believe it, but the RTA new HealthLine system is opening up this weekend! I know, it’s a shock that it is finally here and running, but it is true. I hadn’t seen the changes on the far east end of Euclid, but when I came back to work after Labor Day, there were no more construction barrels, loud noises or anything going on at Euclid by Public Square and East Fourth Street, where my colleagues and I walk to for lunch. In fact, all that I saw were nice, clean streets, sidewalks and the new bus terminals.

 

While CSU’s area of Euclid was done, we were waiting for the rest of it to be finished and on Saturday it officially opened. I know you’d be proud of Cleveland for making it easier for students to get to CSU from wherever they are with the expanded bus system and the more direct routes. It means the next time I come from work on Public Square to CSU, I hop on a healthline bus, go 20 blocks, and hop off. Much easier, and hopefully a way to see CSU – along with all the other businesses thrive.

 

It really didn’t seem real to me until last week when I walked to meet Dad at the Palace at Playhouse Square. We went to see the Chorus Line, which was good, but you totally would have fallen asleep during since there were some slow moments. But I digress… I know you would have been pleased to see the construction end and perhaps help the downtown areas revitalize by welcoming some more restaurants and stores to the areas that are now empty.

 

It is ironic – and maybe even more sad – that by the time I came home to Cleveland and worked downtown, just a few blocks away from your office, we never had a chance – or an easy way – to visit with each other.

 

If you were still at CSU, I would now just hop on the new double-long HealthLine (which looks pretty cool by the way) and surprise you for lunch.  But, let’s face it, even if you were here, you would smile and be happy to see me, but then not have time to eat because you’d be faced with solving all the issues of the semester in the nursing department.

But, I don’t want you to worry. Your work here on earth is done. Those who are left here have you covered.

Take the rest you deserve, keep an eye on us from above and know that as always, I love and miss you, as do so many others whose lives you touched in your 45 years of nursing – and mostly of caring.

 

Love,

Mary

 

CSU Memorial Service for Mom

I wanted to make sure all of you who would be interested attending knew about this memorial the faculty of the Nursing Department are planning for Mom.

 

 

Mom, Dad and Mary last November

PLEASE JOIN US IN REMEMBERING

 

 

 

Cheryl P. McCahon, RN, PhD

Colleague, Teacher, Mentor, Friend

Memorial Service

Cleveland State University

Fenn Tower, East 24th Street and Euclid Ave., Third Floor — Panel Hall

Thursday October 23, 2008 — 3:00p

If you know you can make it, would you respond to the email or number below? If you aren’t sure till the day of, that is okay too! Dad and I will look forward to seeing anyone who can make it to the memorial service. Thank you to Vida and all of her wonderful friends at CSU for making this happen and continung to remember Mom. 

 

 

 

The Power of the Tissue

Dear Mom,

I’ve learned so many things from you over the years about being prepared for all sorts of events occuring while out in the world: whether it be bringing a light sweater with me to all places in the summer in case the air conditioning is too cold, or knowing to bring business cards to an event at your work where there might be someone who could become a client, or making sure to pack all the right things in the cooler while heading out for a weekend at the lake. But none of those lessons are more valuable than your constant belief in the power of the tissue – and how every single pocket of every single outfit you’ve ever owned is stuffed with kleenex. Kris and I used to laugh at this until we needed a tissue when we had a cold or in a moment of sadness when we might need to use it to blot a tear. But, we still couldn’t help ourselves by making fun of this habit of yours and always asking if the tissue was clean, to which we always received the same answer: Of course it is! This usually was accompanied by your famous ‘look’ that says much more than words could ever express. How dare we even ask if it was a snotty dirty tissue. Rude!

However, the reason I’m writing you today is not to discuss the cleanliness of your tissues, your love for stocking up on kleenex and your preference of them over Puffs or any other brand of the special ‘facial tissue,’ I bring it up today because I had the need for a tissue and what I’ve learned from your habits over the years saved me.

It happened at Cedar Point this weekend. Yes, I went on a whole bunch of rollercoasters, tried to relive my childhood and just had a grand old time of having the crap scared out of me on these super-fast rides. Yet, I digress.

There was a group of six that met there – James, Adam, Jen and I from here and Gina and Julie from Detroit. We arrived to pouring rain but after the journey to get to ‘the Point’ there was no turning back and we piled on our raincoats and put up our hoods and went directly to the nearest bathroom. Since this was when the park opened at noon, we were lucky to discover toilet paper. The rain stopped after a while and we didn’t need to do too much stopping to dry off, but I did start stockpiling paper just in case. Later in the day, on  visit 8 to the bathroom as it was 10pm at night ,  it was going to be a struggle to find a stall that looked even slightly clean and more importantly had a healthy supply (or any) toilet paper.

I thought to myself about the option of ‘dripping dry’ as I am no good in waiting in lines for the bathroom, even though I easily waited in line for the Magnum for one hour! Ironic, yes? Important to the story, no.

But alas, during one of our many meals during the day in the park, I had stocked up on tissues and napkins (really the same – both bad quality and thin) and didn’t have to wait or choose a dripping option. Mom to the rescue, in the form of my thoroughly stocked bag of tissues. On a side note, James at one point made fun of me saying I had a funny looking bag, but on yet another thing I learned from you, pack what you need and leave space on an adventure like Cedar Point, and be comfortable in what you are carrying. Plus, my bag is from Red River and my trip with Lairy and Carol last July 4th (2007) and that always holds happy memories for me so I’m using it whenever I can!

Again, I digress.

But tissues didn’t just make their appearance recently in my bag at Cedar Point. Unfortunately, in going through your clothes, trying to give them away to friends and family who need them and trying to figure out what you would want me to do with all of your beautiful objects, while trying not to cry because of how much I miss you, I have come across a mountain of Kleenex. Really, I should be getting some sort of award from them for the family that had the most ‘pockets full of Kleenex, ever’ in one home. Pocket by pocket I’ve gone through and made a pile of tissues and know that you loved always being prepared for whenever the need for one of those babies became apparent.

I’ve gone through a box during your two visitations and your services in Cleveland and even more while in Gibsonburg, where we said goodbye to you yet again in a service in the church where you grew up. I even noticed that even though we all knew we needed the tissues, I somehow was the only one who remembered to bring the little pocket packs, that went to Wendy and Anna immediately, along with being shared among the rest of the family. I know you don’t want us to be sad and cry for you, but I can tell you this: Too bad. At that time and now we miss you and we will always miss you. There is going to be crying, and, thanks to what I’ve found in your pockets over the last to months, I’m stocked up on tissue!

I love you,

Mary

 

At Indians Game, Thinking of You

Dear Mom,

Kaye gave us her Indians tickets and Dad I spent Saturday afternoon of Labor Day weekend downtown at Progressive Field, but to our family and so many other Clevelanders, we’ll always call it ‘the Jake for Jacob’s Field! I know Kaye wishes she could have taken you to the game and I know how much you love the Indians and I can’t imagine I’ll ever go to a game again without thinking of you. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ll ever go anywhere where I’m not thinking of you. I miss you all the time and I know so many others do too… I hope you are looking down at us from Heaven – and if you have a chance – can you put in a good word for me… and the Indians? 

I’m just kidding, sort of. I love you! Pictures of Dad and I are below….

Go Indians!Under the Sun in the 8th!

 

New segment to share: “Letters to Mom”

Friends and family,

I’ve discovered many things through this journey with Mom’s illness and passing: I’ve learned so much about those of you who admired Mom and those of you who valued her as a friend and colleague and have been fortunate to reconnect with old family members and friends who have supported me and my family through this experience.

I’ve received beautiful letters and cards from so many of you – and many of you have been kind praise my writing in this blog, that I established partly to inform and partly to infuse humor and my love for Mom into a situation that was never funny. Mom also was always very clear that she didn’t want people to see her sick, because I now know that people have always put her into a category that exemplifies strength and courage and she never wanted cancer to define her. As we all know now, it was her love for all of us that always shined through, even in the worst of days of this dreadful disease. She never wanted anyone to worry about her – and while we all did - to her very last moments on this earth, my Mom truly exemplified selflessness, love and courage and that is the way I will always remember her.

I’ve always loved to write – and that is what directed me towards my journalism degree from Ohio University and my career in television news and then to my current line of work: public relations.  I think about Mom every day and try so hard to think of all the positives of her passing: that she is no longer sick and in pain, that she is finally at peace; but sometimes get caught on the phrase ‘it just isn’t fair’ as it often pops into my head. But instead of dwelling on all the things I’ll miss, I’ve started to write her letters about things that are happening to me that I know I can’t share in person, but will help me to continue to feel close to her spiritually, while I know we can never again in this lifetime be able to share a laugh or a hug or a story.

I hope that by sharing my experiences, my feelings and what I’ve learned from knowing that Mom’s cancer could not be stopped, could maybe allow me to help even one more person in the world cope with this terrible disease as it is happening to them.

My new segment will be called “Letters to Mom” and while some of the sentiments are much too personal to share now, they might become available if I found someone to help me edit and share my experiences through a prominent publishing house! In all seriousness, I hope sharing my thoughts and feelings in Mom’s honor will carry on her love and beauty for many others who know us or don’t. The idea is simply to share and grow through the pain – but to also incorporate humor and my love for Mom into every segment.

My first letter begins like this: 

Dear Mom,

Today I bought a kayak. I can picture the look you would give me if I told you this in person and then I wouldn’t be able to finish the story (you know what I’m talking about, that look that says ’buying a kayak is stupid’) so instead I’m writing you this letter.

I used the kayak at Treasure Lake when Dad and I went there last week to take care of a few things after you left this world. It was beautiful and sunny and warm and the water was mostly like glass. However, Dad still managed to find the only wave in the place and had a fresh water lake bath he wasn’t expecting in Bimini. Yes, he tipped over and I’ve taken the kayak back for safe keeping for use by the under 40 crowd only.

IS THAT A GOOD TEASER? More to come… stay tuned… and sign up for email updates if you haven’t already and keep sending me comments and stories. I really appreciate every one of you I know and the many I don’t who have written to me with words of support.  I miss Mom every day but am focused on moving forward and supporting myself and Dad and Kris as we move towards the future.