Mom’s Memorial Service at CSU

Last Thursday, many of my Mom’s family had the chance to join Dad & I at Cleveland State for a beautiful service they presented in memory of Mom and her many professional and personal accomplishments.

While I was nervous about what I was going to say, I was happy to find that I was one of many speakers, including some of Mom’s closest friends and colleagues and we were surrounded by wonderful people wanting to celebrate my Mom.

Sheila had lovely stories to tell about my Mom’s fascination with collecting figurines of old people and sharing them with her, Dorothy shared her gratitude for Mom and her adherence to the Florence Nightingale creed of nurses, Jane shared her love of traveling with Mom, shopping together and sharing stories about the two Davids (her husband and my Dad). It was also great to hear Dad ask some funny questions of the gathered group of nurses and to also tell the story of meeting Mom and marrying her in just a few short weeks, and finding out when acquiring the marriage license that they were both Scorpios, which later meant that the way to work together was to make all decisions as a team, otherwise their two strong personalities could never work in tandem. Lisa read a beautiful psalm she felt related to Mom and the description of the Mom’s voice of reason but always being a Wild Card at a meeting. All the other speakers brought out something special that kindly and sweetly memorialized Dr. Cheryl, a nurse of 45 years and a friend to many in the room for 20 plus years!

I chose to go another route, because of course, Dr. Cheryl to me is Mom. While I can’t even begin to say how much I miss her, I thought I would discuss the revitalized Cleveland and how I thought Mom might appreciate the work being done downtown.

You can see the letter in my Letters to Mom section of the Web site posted Monday. This is what I said to introduce the letter. As always, Dad and I (and my brother Kris and the rest of our family) thank everyone for their support and especially Vida in hosting the memorial service. We appreciate all of your beautiful words, sentiments, stories and love for our family.

Memorial Service: 10/23/08 3:00 p.m.

 

It was just a year ago I was here in this very place telling you tales with Mom sitting at the table beside me, celebrating her retirement.

 

As you’ve heard tonight and know from your experiences with her, Mom loved CSU and really had no desire to retire – and she certainly wasn’t ready to stop living her life.

 

But some choices are beyond our control and I always believe that there is a silver lining within even the worst horrible gray cloud. That has to be my chance to meet all of you, all of her wonderful friends and colleagues and to meet all the people who helped our family and surrounded us with love when Mom’s days were numbered.

 

While I think I was mostly in a daze the week after we lost Mom, I do remember several things that people told me about her during visitation and services at our church. The two that I share today stuck with me the most. First I was told: Your Mom always had time to help, no matter how small or large the problem. I knew I could count on her to be there. Second, someone told me thank you for sharing your Mom with us. I was so stuck by this. She loved this place! I should thank you all you for sharing her with us!

 

My Mom gave and gave and over the last two years even when she became increasingly ill and I hope I was able to give back just a fraction of what she gave to me, to you and to our family and friends away from CSU. I hope I will be able to take her caring and kind legacy in my life.

 

Since May, I’ve written a blog to keep people informed about Mom. As a journalist and public relations professional, this gave me the chance to inform and hopefully entertain along the way. Humor kept me going thru the hard times and I hope it will keep me going for the rest of my life.

 

Since I no longer can call her and tell her all the things going on, I’ve started a new segment called Letters to Mom – look for it in book stores someday about dealing with grief!

 

I want to share a new letter that I’m writing to Mom that I think will have special meaning to all of you gathered here to day as we’ve seen the changes in Cleveland over the last few months.

 

CSU Memorial Service for Mom

I wanted to make sure all of you who would be interested attending knew about this memorial the faculty of the Nursing Department are planning for Mom.

 

 

Mom, Dad and Mary last November

PLEASE JOIN US IN REMEMBERING

 

 

 

Cheryl P. McCahon, RN, PhD

Colleague, Teacher, Mentor, Friend

Memorial Service

Cleveland State University

Fenn Tower, East 24th Street and Euclid Ave., Third Floor — Panel Hall

Thursday October 23, 2008 — 3:00p

If you know you can make it, would you respond to the email or number below? If you aren’t sure till the day of, that is okay too! Dad and I will look forward to seeing anyone who can make it to the memorial service. Thank you to Vida and all of her wonderful friends at CSU for making this happen and continung to remember Mom. 

 

 

 

At Indians Game, Thinking of You

Dear Mom,

Kaye gave us her Indians tickets and Dad I spent Saturday afternoon of Labor Day weekend downtown at Progressive Field, but to our family and so many other Clevelanders, we’ll always call it ‘the Jake for Jacob’s Field! I know Kaye wishes she could have taken you to the game and I know how much you love the Indians and I can’t imagine I’ll ever go to a game again without thinking of you. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ll ever go anywhere where I’m not thinking of you. I miss you all the time and I know so many others do too… I hope you are looking down at us from Heaven – and if you have a chance – can you put in a good word for me… and the Indians? 

I’m just kidding, sort of. I love you! Pictures of Dad and I are below….

Go Indians!Under the Sun in the 8th!

 

Another tribute to Mom from an Institute she served

Mom was on the Board of Directors for the Benjamin Rose Institute: (http://www.benrose.org/) and they were kind enough to honor her. Mom only participated in causes and programs she believed in and if you have any interest in learning more about this organization, make sure you check out more than the front page where they talk about Mom. Someday I hope to do just a fraction of the wonderful things she did for the community and to serve others.

 

New segment to share: “Letters to Mom”

Friends and family,

I’ve discovered many things through this journey with Mom’s illness and passing: I’ve learned so much about those of you who admired Mom and those of you who valued her as a friend and colleague and have been fortunate to reconnect with old family members and friends who have supported me and my family through this experience.

I’ve received beautiful letters and cards from so many of you – and many of you have been kind praise my writing in this blog, that I established partly to inform and partly to infuse humor and my love for Mom into a situation that was never funny. Mom also was always very clear that she didn’t want people to see her sick, because I now know that people have always put her into a category that exemplifies strength and courage and she never wanted cancer to define her. As we all know now, it was her love for all of us that always shined through, even in the worst of days of this dreadful disease. She never wanted anyone to worry about her – and while we all did - to her very last moments on this earth, my Mom truly exemplified selflessness, love and courage and that is the way I will always remember her.

I’ve always loved to write – and that is what directed me towards my journalism degree from Ohio University and my career in television news and then to my current line of work: public relations.  I think about Mom every day and try so hard to think of all the positives of her passing: that she is no longer sick and in pain, that she is finally at peace; but sometimes get caught on the phrase ‘it just isn’t fair’ as it often pops into my head. But instead of dwelling on all the things I’ll miss, I’ve started to write her letters about things that are happening to me that I know I can’t share in person, but will help me to continue to feel close to her spiritually, while I know we can never again in this lifetime be able to share a laugh or a hug or a story.

I hope that by sharing my experiences, my feelings and what I’ve learned from knowing that Mom’s cancer could not be stopped, could maybe allow me to help even one more person in the world cope with this terrible disease as it is happening to them.

My new segment will be called “Letters to Mom” and while some of the sentiments are much too personal to share now, they might become available if I found someone to help me edit and share my experiences through a prominent publishing house! In all seriousness, I hope sharing my thoughts and feelings in Mom’s honor will carry on her love and beauty for many others who know us or don’t. The idea is simply to share and grow through the pain – but to also incorporate humor and my love for Mom into every segment.

My first letter begins like this: 

Dear Mom,

Today I bought a kayak. I can picture the look you would give me if I told you this in person and then I wouldn’t be able to finish the story (you know what I’m talking about, that look that says ’buying a kayak is stupid’) so instead I’m writing you this letter.

I used the kayak at Treasure Lake when Dad and I went there last week to take care of a few things after you left this world. It was beautiful and sunny and warm and the water was mostly like glass. However, Dad still managed to find the only wave in the place and had a fresh water lake bath he wasn’t expecting in Bimini. Yes, he tipped over and I’ve taken the kayak back for safe keeping for use by the under 40 crowd only.

IS THAT A GOOD TEASER? More to come… stay tuned… and sign up for email updates if you haven’t already and keep sending me comments and stories. I really appreciate every one of you I know and the many I don’t who have written to me with words of support.  I miss Mom every day but am focused on moving forward and supporting myself and Dad and Kris as we move towards the future.

 

The hardest words ever spoken: Mom’s Eulogy

For those of you unable to attend the services, here is the eulogy I delivered. There are so many other things I wanted to say, but being able to stand up and speak at all was going to be a challenge. Mom must have been there right with me – both times at both services. Mom, I miss you so much. I hope I’ve made you proud throughout the years and in the services and tributes to you last week. 

As the eternal optimist, I never wanted to believe this day would come. I really believe that a woman as courageous and strong as my Mom would live forever. But I find hope in knowing that Mom is at peace and that she means so much to me and my family – and so many of you.

My Mom has been described in many different ways: Her friend and colleague Sheila called her a trailblazer, a community leader, a sustainer, saying out of the world of academia she’d be called a chief operating officer, in the military she’d be a Colonel, all because she gets the job done.

Colleague and friend Vida has described Mom as the master trouble shooter, committee organizer and leader and many have found out that she had trouble saying no to anything – as she believed there was no such word as impossible and always wanted to help and make a difference.

These are all true statements and there is always so much more when it comes to Mom. I mentioned Mom had courage and strength that most in this world cannot match. Her strength allowed her to care for everyone first, putting herself last in line. Her sister Tina and I joked that sometimes that caring sounded a little bossy, but when she started telling us what to do after long periods of being sick   – we liked it – because it seemed like she was feeling better and it  reminded us of the feisty woman so many of us have known and loved for many years.

While Mom would humbly say she was just doing her job when it came to accepting awards or compliments in the world of nursing or community service, or when she did something nice for Kris or I, she was just being a Mom, or a sister, a wife or a friend, she clearly is leaving behind her mark on the world, some would even say a legacy. People who follow her in her professional efforts have quite large shoes to fill and personally, I am my Mother’s daughter – meaning, I too must be strong and courageous and take the lessons I’ve learned from Mom and pass them on. Oh, yeah, and no pressure – she’s got an ‘in’ up in Heaven and you know before long, she’s going to start organizing and running things – so everyone stay on your toes!

I learned so much about Mom and her work over the last few weeks when she went to South Pointe hospice visiting with many of you. I’ve heard fantastic stories about Mom’s sense of humor, her struggles and successes in trying to do the right thing for her students and for the school of nursing at CSU, her time in nursing school and on road trips and all sorts of memories you shared with me and our family. Even just visiting with many friends last night here at visitation and even just before this service, I grew to understand that many of you were inspired and touched by Mom for many years in many ways I’d never even heard of! So, in addition to garnering her strength, I also aspire to inspire others, as you’ve shared with me, she inspired you.

Another thing I respected so much about Mom was her honesty. She was always honest – she would say it like it is. You knew where she stood…. And most of you know, Mom did NOT have a poker face. And while my brother, father and I know it best, you all know what I’m talking about when you say, she gave me ‘the look.’ Famous for enduring the look is my friend Karen who inspired Mom often to give her a look that said much more than any words could. My Mom expected a lot of everyone, had very specific thoughts and ideas, and anyone who disagreed with her or went in a different direction, better be ready to defend their thoughts and actions! Mom and Dad both pushed my brother and I to be the best we could be, and I might be biased, but I think it worked! We know that love drove her to demand the best out of anyone she cared about – and that is all of you!

Mom always accused me of being too optimistic, too naïve and I know she was just trying to protect me from the big hard world out there. I’m sad she won’t be here anymore to do that, but I know for sure she will be with me to guide me in my heart forever – and just for kicks she’ll pull her ‘educator’ tricks and try to throw me a few curve balls just to make sure I make the right decisions. I know, she will do the same for all of you she loved and was so sad to leave… but she had the courage and strength to move on to the next chapter of her life… and so must we…

A good friend keeps telling me that friends divide grief and multiply joy. Together we rejoice that Mom is finally at peace.

 

Memorial for Mom online

In addition to my blog, and the obituaries online at cleveland.com and toledoblade.com, I’m informed by the Ohio League for Nursing that they’ve also posted a notice on its Web site, as Mom was very involved there.

You can see that at http://www.ohioleaguefornursing.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=141

Also, both of the obituaries are linked to the same guest book for Mom online. Please enter your thoughts and memories there if you would like – and eventually I will print all the entries in a bound book. It is wonderful to hear from so many of you and I want to keep these beautiful memories of my Mom alive.

As I mentioned in the last post, thank you for all your kind words, thoughts and love you’ve sent to me and my family.

 

Thanks For Your Prayers and Support

I cannot believe it has been a week since we lost Mom. We: Dad, Kris and I; are doing the best we can, but I assure you that all your prayers, love and support are helping us in the process.

The visitation and services over three days went as well as could be expected and my eulogy was difficult to write and deliver, but I’ve been told that it was a wonderful tribute to Mom and that she would be proud.

I struggled with every word and thought, as there is truly no way to remember all the wonderful things about Mom in just a few minutes. I also know that many of you expressed your love and appreciate to all of our family for ’sharing my Mom with you’ and that is a beautiful sentiment.

Thank you doesn’t express enough the love we have felt, the honor Kris and I feel to be a daughter of someone so generous, respected, giving and kind – and that Dad feels to be her husband; nor can thank you tell you how much it means to us to hear and see your support of Dr. Cheryl. We also appreciate your generosity in financially supporting Mom’s selected charities, as even in her passing she wanted to give back to others.

A special ‘gracias’ goes to my beautiful friends from Detroit that made a long trip to support my family in loss: Pam, Julie, Gina and Debbie. We met through volunteering to raise money for the American Cancer Society and while cancer took Mom away, these wonderful women were brought to me by cancer and have become the support system I will need to move on.

For Aunt Mary who traveled all the way from Hawaii and for all of my family that made the trip to Cleveland and helped organize the services in Gibsonburg – and for cousin Wendy who at 19 graciously gave up her evening to sit with her Aunt Cheryl when our famiy and friends had run out of energy and ability to spend the night, for Aunt Nancy &  Uncle David and Uncle George who spent other overnights with Mom when she was suffering and did everything right – A gracious thanks!

To those who sent flowers and cards, to Janet who made the best cheesecake EVER MADE (and I have scratch marks to prove that people were prying the last piece out of my hands!!!), to Karen and Ron who produced the most beautiful programs headlined with Mom’s nursing school picture and who were there for me when I cried the most at the beautiful singing of Ave Maria, to all of you who have been a blessing in so many different ways. I know there are people I’ve left out, but know that every phone call, every card, every bouquet of flowers, every hug and kind word is appreciated!

I can only say that Mom would be proud as we all are of the beautifulness of humankind, even in these moments of immense pain and sorrow.

While I have avoided listening to my favorite country music stations of late, I have to find one song I have somewhere in my collection (hopefully already on my ipod) because it has the sentiments I’m feeling every day. How am I going to survive losing my Mom? Is it even possible to survive? The song is by Chris Cagle (who I did get to see in concert) and the lyrics go like this:

I breathe in, I breathe out

I put one foot in front of the other

Take one day at a time

Until you find, I’m that someone you can’t live without

But until then, I’ll breathe in and breathe out.

While I used to like this song because it perfectly described the singer’s struggle of what ‘to do until this world stops turning around’ in an ended relationship, I think this describes the answer to the question so many of you have been asking me: How are you getting through this? This – and leaning on friends and family. Please continue to reach out in love and friendship. We don’t always ask for help when we need it, but I know we need your help to continue coping. Mom is gone, but will NEVER be forgotten.

 

Mom’s Visitation and Services

All Cleveland area services will be held at:

Church of the Holy Angels

18205 Chillicothe Rd.

Chagrin Falls, OH 44023

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Visitation: 7:00 – 9:00 pm

Friday, August 8, 2008

Visitation: 10:00 am

Funeral Mass: 11:00 am

In Gibsonburg, OH (Mom’s Birthplace) all events located at:

St. Michael’s Catholic Church

317 E. Madison St.

Gibsonburg, OH 43431

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Visitation: 10:00 am

Funeral Mass: 11:00 am

Lunch: After Mass

Donations: Mom’s wishes are that in lieu of flowers, money be pledged to:

The Cleveland Domestic Violence Center PO Box 5466 Cleveland, OH 44101
OR
The Curtis Wilson Scholarship Fund (to support African-American students who come from the Cleveland public schools)
OR
The Moses Cleaveland Scholarship Fund (to attract highly-qualified students to CSU)

The last two can be sent to: CSU Advancement Office 2121 Euclid Ave Cleveland, OH 44115-2214.

Please call me or write me here if you have any questions.

 

A Peaceful Departure from this World….

At 5:20 this morning, Mom took her last breath in this world. She has passed onto her next life peacefully when it was still dark and calm outside. Dad and I got the call from hospice and arrived shortly thereafter. We said our goodbyes to my wonderful Mother of 35 years, Kris’ dear Mom of 33 years, Dad’s devoted wife and companion of nearly 43 years and loving family member, colleague and friend of hundreds of others. Mom was only 65 years young, with what should have been many years ahead of her.

While I know my life will never be the same without her here physically with us, I am glad she is at peace. Watching her fight this disease over the last 19 months and then finally seeing her in hospice struggling and in pain was the hardest thing any of us have ever done. But, I’d rather her have her in Heaven on my side than I would have her on earth suffering any more. Plus, I couldn’t personally select a better guardian angel!

It is hard to express that how this experience with Mom in hospice, while horrifying because it meant that the cancer had won the fight with Mom’s body, was a blessing to meet Mom’s wonderful friends, to bring our family together, to meet the wonderful nurses, doctors and aides at South Pointe. I couldn’t have asked for better people than Denise, Nicole, Veronica, Dyanne, Vanessa, Jenine, Lisa, Bev, Becky, Cindi, Kim and those I’ve probably left out in error. Both of Mom’s hospice doctors were gentle and kind and they did the best they could for our family in this tough time. They are all very special people – and they also recognized how special Mom is – and how special all of her family and friends are too!

Since Mom is an overachiever even in dying (and wanted to keep everyone on their toes), she shocked everyone by being so strong and hanging on for many days longer than anyone expected. And believe me, with a schedule of visitors 24/7 most often including at least one nurse, other nurses are kept on their best behavior. They didn’t need to be watched, but I always felt blessed by all of you who love my Mom and having wonderful nursing skills to boot!

I’m staying with Dad for a couple of days and we are in the process of planning memorial services. There will be one at Church of the Holy Angels in Chagrin Falls (close to 306 & 422 in Cleveland) and another in Gibsonburg, OH (near Toledo). I will post details when I have them.

In the meantime, thank you for your love and support of my Mom and family. I know she appreciated and felt the love while she was sick – and I, along with my father and brother appreciate all of you. I know that I will miss Mom every day for the rest of my life, but today choose to focus on the positive; she is now at peace.